Have you ever made a bad choice? Have you ever blamed others for the outcome? Parents make bad choices all the time, and we blame our kids all the time. We expect our kids to follow along at the same speed and jump when we tell them to, and when things turn bad we blame our kid’s ‘behaviour’ or their lack of patience we tell them their rude and naughty. But in reality we are the ones who made the poor choice and our internalised shame makes us lash out and blame defenseless children.
We had a rough morning and decisions were made by the older children to forgo playgroup today. This seemed like a great idea to me, we needed to do the groceries we could go do that instead of playgroup. We got ready to go and into the car and off we went. About 500m down the road Miss 5 spoke up and said “actually can we go to playgroup first?”. I had been looking forward to seeing my own friends there, so I agreed. I clarified with the kids that they were aware we would still be doing the groceries after playgroup “sure mum that’s ok”…. ahhh famous last words.
About now I was saying to myself you will regret this decision and is it really a fair expectation of your children? But I ignored my intuition and forged on with our new laid plans. Playgroup went well. Everyone was in good spirits, still I ignored my intuition and set off for the supermarket. 2 children in a trolley, one 2yr old refusing to sit, refusing to walk But still not overly upset. It’s about now that if I could have a do over I would have bailed, hindsight is great right?
Miss 5 graciously gave up her seat inside the trolley and walked so that Miss 2 could have her spot in a effort to smooth things over. I won’t go into further detail as I don’t think it’s necessary or respectful of my children. But I did manage to summon my patience, empathy and kindness and not once did I loose my cool. This was my mistake, this was my choice, so I owned it. I was not about to burden my children with a tirade about their behaviour when the reality was it was my own fault.
I did decide to bail on the trip to the butchers (yay finally I made a good choice), downside to that means I don’t have anything to cook for dinner… Yep its about now I regret sticking to my budget and grocery list and not buying at least some meat for dinner from the grocery store. Funny thing is when we are feeling stressed and tired (and I was) our brains don’t always think logically, a child’s brain is the same, so yeh I forgot the meat.
Society expects kids to be logical and reasonable all the time. Luckily I don’t buy into that shit, we went home we cuddled and I apologised. Seriously be kind to your kids they have tough days too xx